help

[Selah]

do you think divorce is okay if your husband is abusive in all areas?

[Cheryl Holt]

Hi Selah. Such a pretty name. It's used for emphasis in Psalms.

Did you get some help regarding your question? I know this. No woman is a doormat for her husband. The Lord never encourages a woman to cowtail in that manner. It does not make a husband a better man to get away with abusiveness. He will thank you later, if he has character, for separating yourself from his rage or misuse. It's the right thing to do. Just like, in a plane, should the oxygen masks be required, you must breathe in oxygen yourself before you can help anyone else. No child benefits from seeing their mom humbled by their father. Not like that. A husband is to love his wife, protect her, honor her, be faithful to her, lay down his life for her, if need be.

[Sheri]

Yes. You have a right to protect yourself. Being abused is not God's best for you, so you need to go to a safe place right away. Once you are safe, your husband will know you are serious. I would insist that he go to counseling and make definite changes, as evidenced by a long period of unhostile behavior before I would go near him again. We have more to give when we take really good care of ourselves. Then, give what you have to offer to someone who appreciates it. Love, Sheri

[Kris]

It's not okay to stay with him if he is abusive. You don't have to jump to divorce, though. I have separated from my husband twice (the first time I let him back way too soon) and we have been separated for over a year now. Because he continued in a destructive lifestyle after my leaving rather than seeking the help he needed, I filed for divorce. Finally, he has gone to rehab for drug and alcohol addiction (only after being served divorce papers, losing his business and losing our home), but he is still not in counseling or doing anything to learn how to be a good parent or husband. Basically, he is staying sober at this point, but he's not growing up. So, I am going through with the divorce.
It's hard, but I have more peace in my life and my relationships with my daughters are better.
Be strong and get some support around you!
Kris

[Carolyn]

Hi Selah,
A question that always needs to be asked is, are both of you genuinely saved? Do you both know Jesus in a personal way?

God's Word is very specific on reasons for divorce, but He never wants to see any of His children in a harmful situation.
Please keep yourself and your children (if any) safe. If after all tempts to help your husband see how he is hurting you fail, then yes, remove yourself from the home.

[giveaccount]

I beleive that it is important to set boundries. You can move out and work on seperation it is best for your well being. I believe that at this point he must work on things as well as check back with you on how his progress is going or his counsoler can check back with you. If he does not work toward reconciling I do beelieve that it would be the only thing left to do. My mom suffered through physical and emotional abuse soon my dad was hitting my sister and it was very unsafe to remain in the home. Our counsoler told my mom that we could not go back home after that appointment he placed us in a home for battered women. We did not have anything with us just the clothing on our back. My mom did not know how to drive she had a job and was able to keep it after buying herself a car and learning how to drive. She was very co-dependant and I now am co-dependant. I also face abandonment issues divorce affects the whole family but God can heal all wounds. I talked to my mom at one point and told her she should have set boundries allot earlier in the marriage but some times we don't know any thing about boundries. We are controlled and manipulated. She was telling me that she did not have plans to divorce my dad but she now says that only God could have removed her from this unsafe marriage. God does not like voilence and he does want to see justice he has mercy and grace on us for a while but then we need to go through consiquences. My dad had to go through consiquences to learn that he was wrong and that you should respect your mate. Communication is very important and I do feel that due to fear and control this was not possible.

[scott]

Well if your husband abusive are you connected to other women at church? Do you have a support group a safe place to share wahts going on with your life with? you need to get help from others...ok,,,i fy feel it....ok....

[David Norman]

support, fulfillment and happiness, is the marriage creating any or all those in your life? If no, then I would say get a divorce.