Emotional connection

[donna collins]

Looking for advice as to how to start connecting emotional with my husband. I don't kow what questions to ask or things to talk about unless it has to do with kids and stuff to get done. I always just relied on touch and affection and my husband needs words.

Let me know what you think.

Thanks....

[Sheri]

Tell him much you admire and appreciate him.

[David Norman]

For starters get some time alone absent of kids and stuff to get done, take the focus of the relationship off those things for a change. No one said being a parent means sacrificing the relationship which created them. I think what is more tragic than neglecting children is neglecting the relationship which brought them into the world in the first place. Priorities, your husband probably feels lonely and worthless, he probably loves his kids more than his own life, but is so tired of kid stuff and get it done stuff, neither of which are bringing him much fulfillment in life, there's like three emotional dynamics taking place. First, your own connection to your own emotions, his connection with his own emotions, and then of course your emotional connection together, the problem here is the loss of connection, not the lack of connection, at least those have been my own personal experiences. Donna, why dont you all leave the kids with someone and go do something together alone, no cell phones, no emails, no nothing, but you and him, remember how much time you put into it, is what you will get out of it. I am sure if you get alone with him for a while, and have no distractions from him, he want feel neglected, which is probably how he feels, but maybe I am wrong about the whole thing, I was reading a book the other day, that the only worse thing than being single and being alone, is being married and being alone.

hope some of that helps,

[Sheri]

That is beautiful, David. Thanks so much for sharing. Love in Christ, Sheri

[lisa saunders]

Double...Amen

[Tom]

Theres a book called, His needs Her needs, its a great book, Ive read it a few times and have bought it for some of my friends that were in need of alittle help. Hope it helps, he'll have to read it and that might be the tough part. Good luck.

[Jeff W[ho Me?]]

This may sound weird, but you may have a very unique husband if he really wants to connect emotionally with you (more often than not, the roles are reversed, the wife doesn't get enough emotional connection). In our marriage, I am the one who struggles with expressing or even feeling and being able to identify my feelings. I learned growing up that feelings weren't encouraged in my house and after a time I tried to act like I had none (which of course was a lie to myself). His Needs, Her Needs is good, our marriage group is going to start that soon.

Another book my wife and I did was "Intimacy" by Doug Weiss. In the back of the book he had a very long list of feeling words and some directions to force you to share feelings instead of the news of the day or even opinions or issues with the kids.

The best I've run across though is "How We Love" which deals with a variety of attachment styles and what kind of havoc they can play in your relationships and your marriage, and what to do about them. From that book, I learned that I'm an "avoider" of feelings so I have difficulty sharing them. My own feelings are foreign to me. My wife is a "pleaser", she is constantly looking to me for how I'm doing because if I'm happy, she can be happy, if I'm not happy, then she gets uptight and scared, so she needs lots of connection. The book will get you two to talking, particularly if you read the chapters together and discuss them and do the work books and share your answers. That will definitely get your discussions out of facts and into your feelings and experiences growing up and how they might explain why it's tough for you to connect emotionally with your husband. And give you better alternatives.

I've posted two samples of the authors working with a couple that you might find interesting and compelling:

http://newlifecommunity.ning.com/profiles/blogs/how-we-love-example...
http://newlifecommunity.ning.com/profiles/blogs/how-we-love-example...