Melody's responce to Dayle
Thank you for your responce. I thought I would clarify more about what was going on.
I was able to sleep for a few hrs after taking ambian. after some sleep I can organize my thoughts a little more. I wanted to clarify that my husband thinks it is a blessing to get layed off because now he can retire and move to our new place in fl. His job was too stressful for him. We are fine financialy. we have no debts and the houses are paid off. I just cant share my feelings with anyone not even my husband. If I am sad and he know it, but I cant tell him why because he misunderstands my feelings. It will make things worse, but I feel so shut off from him. I just need to be quiet, fake a smile as best i know how and say YES to everything he is doing. I can't tell him that I am terrified to drive a 22ft truck while pulling a trailer with my car on it to florida. I cant tell him i will be afraid while he is driving it. I cant tell him that it is going to wipe me out physicaly to take on this enormous job of moving ourselves. I cant tell him that I think it is better just to get a mover while we pack our own boxes. Getting movers is doube the cost. Even though he got layed off we have more than enough money to get movers. He just has a tight grip on the money and wont let go. he use to only give me 1/4 of his pay check and invest the rest. He did this for yrs and yrs. this is why he thinks he can retire early which may be true.
But now things are back on a strict budget. if i have to throw somthing away in the fridge he gets all upset and gives me a big lecture. He does not know it is because that food disagreed with my stomach and I could not eat it. I cant tell him. My husband and I are sooo oposit with everything. we eat differently. I have to cook 2 different meals. we do not sleep together because we have different sleeping habbits which keeps one of us up. we both have a hard time falling asleep. I just got off of ambian. We dont eat togeter because he talks about problems while we are eating and I get stomach aches after I eat. He does not want to do anything for fun. I have my own little world of scrapbooking and visiting the nursing home. that is what I do to keep myself sane. we go to church, but the church we go to is very abstract and hard to follow. there is nothing there that up lifts me. the preaching is not practical. the people are just surface friends only at church. I do not get involved because as soon as i do he is wanting to change chruchs again. There is nothing keeping us togheter except commitment and strangly after 34 yrs of marriage and 5 yrs of dating I still do love him. This literly breaks my heart because I want it to work but have no idea how to make it work. he does not want a counselor.
I was able to sleep for a few hrs after taking ambian. after some sleep I can organize my thoughts a little more. I wanted to clarify that my husband thinks it is a blessing to get layed off because now he can retire and move to our new place in fl. His job was too stressful for him. We are fine financialy. we have no debts and the houses are paid off. I just cant share my feelings with anyone not even my husband. If I am sad and he know it, but I cant tell him why because he misunderstands my feelings. It will make things worse, but I feel so shut off from him. I just need to be quiet, fake a smile as best i know how and say YES to everything he is doing. I can't tell him that I am terrified to drive a 22ft truck while pulling a trailer with my car on it to florida. I cant tell him i will be afraid while he is driving it. I cant tell him that it is going to wipe me out physicaly to take on this enormous job of moving ourselves. I cant tell him that I think it is better just to get a mover while we pack our own boxes. Getting movers is doube the cost. Even though he got layed off we have more than enough money to get movers. He just has a tight grip on the money and wont let go. he use to only give me 1/4 of his pay check and invest the rest. He did this for yrs and yrs. this is why he thinks he can retire early which may be true.
But now things are back on a strict budget. if i have to throw somthing away in the fridge he gets all upset and gives me a big lecture. He does not know it is because that food disagreed with my stomach and I could not eat it. I cant tell him. My husband and I are sooo oposit with everything. we eat differently. I have to cook 2 different meals. we do not sleep together because we have different sleeping habbits which keeps one of us up. we both have a hard time falling asleep. I just got off of ambian. We dont eat togeter because he talks about problems while we are eating and I get stomach aches after I eat. He does not want to do anything for fun. I have my own little world of scrapbooking and visiting the nursing home. that is what I do to keep myself sane. we go to church, but the church we go to is very abstract and hard to follow. there is nothing there that up lifts me. the preaching is not practical. the people are just surface friends only at church. I do not get involved because as soon as i do he is wanting to change chruchs again. There is nothing keeping us togheter except commitment and strangly after 34 yrs of marriage and 5 yrs of dating I still do love him. This literly breaks my heart because I want it to work but have no idea how to make it work. he does not want a counselor.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by kathy on -
To Melody, I think I can understand parts of your frustration. We made a major move after 17 years of marriage. I too felt overwhelmed and physically inadequate to do it on our own. I voiced this to my husband, and at the same time God intervened by allowing my husband to bump into someone else that was moving. This opened him up to an estimate, and then we cut some costs by packing ourselves(ME) and only moving the contents of the garage and yard ourselves. After watching three men sweating to death for an entire day, he was the first to admit that it would have broben us on our own.
So, I suggest you voice it lovingly and humbly, that when God directs him, he will recognize it.
As for your health problems, I would bet that they are mostly stress related. Like your letter outlined, make a list of all the things in your day that you feel powerless over. Than diligently pray about each thing on the list numerous times per day.
While you do dishes, pray about meal times or your stomach aches. Talk to God, He wants to be there for you and with you. I will add you to my prayer list, and feel free to unburden here.
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