what to do

[Lis Graye]

So I don't know what to do with my life, ...so i keep on moving. It has always been a struggle, and I am sick of the struggle. I am sick of keeping on. I take medication, and it does help, but I am never far from the edge. I don't know why I am even writing on this site. I want to get away from all of this. I am sick of this, but I can't overcome it. I have so many talents but I can't keep any momentum. I start well but I can't finish. I always. fall apart. I ve done it all. Pshychiatrists, psychologists, groups, family doctors. I have great friends. I am just a damaged person who needs so much down time to regroup. There is not enough time for that and sucessfully participating in life. I just want to sleep forever. I am so tired. I manage this well. No one except those who know would know. And yes my inner circle knows. It has been this way for me since I was a toddler. We have tapes of me crying uncotrollably for hours and I can even tell you why because I remember.
Official diagnosis, bipolar but I seriously doubt because I am depressed almost all of the time. The happy is never long enough for me to complete anything.
Man can anyone relate? I dont want to be pathetic or over sensitive , or never reaching goals, or unable to function on more than an existence level...but here I am ...is this as good as it gets?
Can anyone relate? Oh tomorrow I will feel diffferently ...but not for long enough...

[Terry]

Yes. Yes I can relate. I wish I had more to add, but I just want you to know that you are not alone in this. I'm sure people more spiritually mature can give some more practical advice, but for me, knowing I'm not alone in my struggles is a big help. Hope it helps you.

[kathy]

Dear Lis, I must tell you first, that I have no experience with depression, yet just this last week my devotions were centered on it. This part really stuck out in my mind, because it related to something else in my life, so I will share it with you.
ROMANS 12:2 NLT
'Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.'

The commentary for this encourages us to act on what God would have us do rather than on what we feel like doing. It makes me stop and think whether what I feel like doing and saying is just easier than what God would have me do and say. I know enough to realize that in depression this may be much more complicated. Take it a small step at a time, and remember that God is your ultimate strength.

[mustangguy]

Hello Lis,
Yes, I know the feeling. I take medicine and see a counselor every few weeks and listen to the New Life program, but my good days don't last very long and my bad days seem to last forever. I should be happy and I feel guilty for being down and I try to connect with folks, but my favorite thing is sleeping because the pain goes away for the time that I am not awake. I don't know if this posting helps, but I pray that you feel some relief because other folks are going through similar battles. Hang in there

[Sheri]

Hey, Lis,
I feel so sad for you and maybe know how you feel somewhat since I've experienced something similar. There are so many different medications now, but it's worth the effort to try them all until you find the one that works for you. My family doctor prescribed mine because I didn't have the money for psychiatrists. It also helps to exercise 1/2 to 1 hour per day, just walking or riding an exercise bicycle. I set a time, 7 pm and do my exercise whether I feel like it or not. Also, make sure your nutrition is good. See a nutritionist if you need too. Also, you may want to see if you have been misdiagnosed and maybe have ADD or something similar. That condition causes you to have trouble concentrating and focusing long enough to finish projects, and may even cause obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Your doctor again could refer you to someone for testing. I heard about this on 100.7 FM, KWRD out of Dallas, TX. Hope these suggestions help. I didn't know how bad I felt until I started feeling better.

[David Norman]

Hello Lis,

Lis I have felt emotionally abandoned sense I was about 8 years old, I have felt completely alone emotionally in the world sense then. I love the song Hurt-by Johnny Cash, he says the only thing real to him is the PAIN, and everyone he loves goes away. Loneliness and pain have been my life friends, I don't know how to ask people for help apart of me has always felt disconnect and alone in life and in the world we live in. I have always wanted to be known by others and be accepted just as I am, but that seems to be just a fantasy of my mind, people always have expectations of what you should or shouldn't be, of what you should and shouldn't do, connection seems at best to be superficial with others, but at the same time, my pain and my loneliness seems to connect me the deepest with others. I have felt cursed sense I was born, I felt like God gave me a loosing hand that I have to play, and no matter how I look at it, it's still a loosing hand I must play in life. Bible thumpers like propogating scriptures, however, in the dark cold lonely nights, when your eyes are full of tears and the pain seems to much to handle anymore, you just feel disconnected. The way we are conditioned to interpret reality and our experiences in life are flawed and full of distortions and errors, only God can help us. There are alos the group called fixers, they think there is some magic to their words, their words don't replace the loneliness though. Charles Spirgeon one of the most well known evangelist of the 1800's was known to have chronic depression in fact his deacons often had to drag him to the pulpit for morning worship. Write me or call me if you need to talk