Boundaries

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Comment by Lordiluv on October 29, 2008 at 9:04am

I read this book on 'boundaries' about 10 years ago - while i was in a 5 yr verbal/emotional abusive. I was in bondage - and after reading this book and christian counseling I was delivered from this. i now expereince freedom and it is so liberating - boundaries is an ever practicing issue and we go thru a very painful process towards this freedom - we lose in our flesh, but gain in Christ - because of it, it has changed my life -FOREVER, and I'm loving it!!! i am more of a confident and an assertive woman in Christ, because of it. Ladies don't give up!!! Persevere!!! wait for the breakthru through supportive systems, counseling, praying and fasting!!! people who i known more recently cannot get over that i was once a person who allowed emotional/verbal abuse!!! but God does the tranformation!!

In His Love- Be Blessed!

Comment by Bee on October 29, 2008 at 8:58am

It's strange how the abuser or abused don't realize the damage sometimes, or even that abuse is happening. We have come a long way, but a few years ago, in a disagreement I would clam up causing my husband to yell and trap me in a room until I spoke to him- sometimes this lasted hours. We're still working on communication but those forms of abuse we used on each other are no longer prominent.

Comment by Megan on October 29, 2008 at 8:38am

Thanks Ruth.I grew up with a drinking father and saw my mother deal with those boundary issues-just wish I realized then what that meant! My mom always tried to get me to go to Al-ateen and I wish I had. Yourr words remind me of that need.
You are absolutely right, some people can't handle when boundaries are put on them but we can't control how they react. There is a great book, "The Way to Love" by Anthony DeMello that is not so much a counseling book as a philosophical, spiritual one.But it is very helpful in this area.

Comment by Ruth on October 29, 2008 at 6:55am

Megan, take care of yourself. You don't deserve emotional abuse. I learned that over the past year with a drinking husband. I read boundaries and made them clear and he really pushed against them, trying to make me feel crazy and like a "freak" but I am going to Al Anon and any group support you can get helps. We always need people who understand us..people and groups are so important for your recovery and learning how to not live with abuse. Your husband may come back when he sees your strength or he may not. YOu cannot control what he chooses to do. Just work on yourself, to be the best you possible. We are poweless to change others, just ourselves. But when you change your behaviors and get strong, that forces them to change somehow. They have to act differently because the dynamics of the relationship are changed. He may be too immature to handle this, but you can't control whether he leaves or stays. I'll pray for your situation.

Comment by Megan on October 29, 2008 at 5:43am

Hi, I am just joining now and in the process of facing straight on how I have not had boundaries with my husband. He is leaving me now and I am discovering how he broke and continues to break so many boundaries with me. Once I started putting the appropriate ones in place, he kind of freaked and so is pushing divorce down my throat. So painful to realize after 20 years (and six children) that this was not a relationship of love on his part but one of emotional abuse. Once I was not available for that abuse, my usefulness to him vanished. And here I was all these years thinking,"oh, he will get better". Talk about thinking a fairy tale was tangible!
Sound familiar to anyone? Or am I in the wrong group?

Comment by Samsara on October 29, 2008 at 5:30am

Hey all~

I am glad I joined. I have not read the book, but sometimes I feel that I need to maintain my boundaries and keep maintaining them bc my sweet personality can take over.

Nice meeting you all!

Comment by 2blessed2fret on October 29, 2008 at 5:22am

The greatest step I have taken in my life is to set up knee walls! I make a concious effort everydayto keep my heart safe, my mind focused firmly on the eyes of Jesus, and thanking my Abba DAILY for grace!

Comment by debbi doo on October 29, 2008 at 12:39am

boundaries.....what????? what planet was that??? My family doesn't concieve of such a concept! Fairytales are more tangible. So, part of what I wrestle with is believeing the reality that I get glimpses of and then deciding to intentionally live there. And that is the struggle with recognizing and living in the present with courage,faith and discomfort. I have learned lots from the New Life folks and continue to always learn so much more. And probably more important than what I learn and how I grow is the biggness of the power and love of Christ that surpasses my comprehension...only I don't want it to remain beyond me because I need to desperately to know and feel His love, esp in the tough world where it all seems so "whirrled" all together. And I have learned to feel quite comfortable in the old fuzzy blurr of it all, just as it rolls on by me. Ok so far I have been kind of philosophical but truth is that today I finally started to realize that I am very sad, greiving I guess because I ended a relationship with a man with whom I had let my dreams grow for two years. I think it took so much "setting my mind" and resolve to take this action that I haven't set down too really feel the sad me which came out today as I talked and prayed with my spiritual director. Haven't conversd with my ex for many weeks but still fear that if I do, I will get sucked back into believing what he says and sees. And I have come to think that God has shown me otherwise. So it is quite a loss, and a struggle. but I also think i know that to continue on would be a slow dying, suffocating loss. Just wanted to put some of my brain waves out here to try to connect these themes cuz it seems that each of us can relate and be encouraged by others perceptions and struggles. Oh....and I should probably try to find a group for nite time eating, chronic procrastination, and "OK, let's get to bed now". Funny how all these things connect together???

Comment by Michelle 777 on October 29, 2008 at 12:10am

Hi. I feel like I am a failure at this whole boundaries thing. I just came home to once again, find porn from my husband's addiction. I am not sure what to do anymore. I found out about his long term problem -two years ago. Since then - every boundary that has been set up has been broken. We have gone to counseling and he has gone to Every Man's Battle workshop. I am tired and done. Can anyone offer any words of wisdom? We do have children and I am so concerned about their well being.

Comment by Sarah B. on October 28, 2008 at 9:06pm

you're not the only one here! I'm the first "official" member of the group. Glad to see you here!

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