Depression

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Comment by Doree on October 29, 2008 at 9:50pm

Wow, where do I start?? There are so many different stories and burdens here. For me I started getting depressed in my teen years as I suffered from neglect from my mom/family. I was also placed in a very tiny strict Christian school with pretty much no real friends except my high school teacher. Things were looking up after high school when I started to attend a college christian fellowship group. These 2-3 years of my life were so full of friendship.........but I also started noticing some problems I just couldn't seem to figure out. When my attempts to leave for a college and news that a "1st love" was marrying someone else I must have really lost it all. I was hanging out with the wrong people in desparate need of friendship, and then I got involved, against my own better judgment, with an abusive alcoholic. When I ended up getting sick and was in the hospital, God told me I was going to have a baby. I was so not ready for this responsibility, but I also think I would have stayed in that relationship a whole lot longer had it not been for my baby girl. Anyway, it's been a hard long journey since trying to get better not just for me but for my daughter as well. She is almost 10, and it's been about 15 years since I've had real contact with the anyone from the college fellowship. Recently, I was able to connect with someone from the group, and things have really hit me hard........all my years of depression, counseling, codependency support groups, who I was and who I have made myself into, whom I really hate, has been making me so hurt and miserable the past few weeks............I miss these friends so much, but I am so self-conscience I am even too afraid to reach out to even more friends, so afraid of any rejection or judgment or shame I might face. This is one of the reasons why I decided to join this website, as I really could use a lot of support and a way of getting some things off my chest at this time. Thanks for letting me share.

Comment by Kim on October 29, 2008 at 8:35pm

Hi, my name is Kim. I have been suffering from major depression for a year and have not had any lasting relief. All I think about is death. I almost died last year from an illness and four months later, my brother died of cancer. I just can't seem to get my sense of self back or find any pleasure in life. I know God doesn't want us to be depressed, but even with counseling and medication, I can't seem to find my way out. It's hard to find hope when you're in a depression.

Comment by Hope Floats on October 29, 2008 at 5:18pm

Hello JenniferC, I suffer from PTSD after being sexual abused by my ex fiance and after he hit me with his car. It is very hard for me to put my thoughts down on paper but I have started writing in a journal and it does help me. I go to therapy once a week, and I talk to my best friend. What works best for me is when I am feeling scared, anger or any other emotion, I go to my bible and look that feeling up and read the verses. I turn to GOD and my faith. Sometimes it helps for that one moment or that one day and then I repeat :) It is getting better and easier. The thing that I have learned is that you have to deal with that fear and not hide from it or it comes back two fold. It really hurts and it is hard but you come out of it a little stronger and a little smarter and your faith just grows and grows.

My prayers are with everyone here today.

Comment by DKJKP on October 29, 2008 at 9:38am

I pray God's comfort and strength for all of you who have lost loved ones suddenly. My heart also goes out to Penny; I can't imagine the hurt you must feel as a mom.

My former husband took his own life in March, 2007. He divorced me and abandoned our daughters. His girlfriend kicked him out. We have two daughters; 16 and 12 years old. Our safety net has been our church family. God has truly provided for us the last 9 months with friendships, therapists, support groups, etc. I ask you all to pray for my 12 year old. She tried so hard to maintain a relationship with him. Because of his depression and choices he made, he rejected her. She has a great therapist, but it is so hard for her to process a lot of what happened. Pleaase pray that as she grows, the Lord will help her to put events in proper perspective and she will be released from any guilt and worthlessness she feels.

Thank you

Comment by Mina Grace Ward on October 29, 2008 at 9:28am

I had a nervous breakdown three years ago after being married to a man who physically, emotionally, and sexually abused me for 17 years of our marriage. We have four boys. I was institutionalized and now suffer from depression, post traumatic stress disorder, bi polar, panic atttacks, severe anxiety, agoraphobia, hallucinations, obsessive compulsive disorder, and a few other mental disorders. I finally had the courage to divorce him after being hospitalized and six months of outpatient treatment.. I ended up marrying my Christian bodyguard who treats me like a princess. And we are very happy but I still suffer from these conditions and he takes good care of me but I'm sad that I still suffer and it's all because I didn't have the courage to leave such a terrible life for 17 years. I was scared, terrified of him and he tried to kill me three times. And I still didn't leave him. I was blessed when I had the nervous breakdown because I'd probably still be suffering in the marriage. I'm blessed by our Heavenly Father to have my husband now who is a Christian man and I love him dearly. He loves my four sons ages 19, 17, 15 and 12 and treats them as his own. God takes my depression and anxiety and panic attacks away from me when they start and He blesses me with peace. I have a very strong relationship with Our Father and he gives me strength to make it through each day with peace and love and comfort. I am in constant prayer and I know He hears me and responds with blessings. So to all of you who suffer, keep praying and never give up hope. Trust in God and He will answer. He shall never forsake us. He is a good God and He listens and responds. God knows my humble heart and He knows I trust Him with all of my heart, body, mind and soul.

Comment by jth2280 on October 29, 2008 at 7:56am

Hi! I have been receiving New Life Daily Devotionals for quite some time and got an E-mail about this new online community today. I decided to join because I have a rather unusual situation. On 12-22-2005 (3 yrs. ago this Dec.), my 58-year old husband literally dropped at work with a cardiac arrest, leading to massive brain damage. After being in the hospital for 6 weeks, followed by a rehab/therapy facility in Dallas, he is now in an Alzheimer's Unit in a nursing home about 100 miles from where we live, with the mental capacity of about a two year old. He knows me, I guess, but with his not being able to communicate due to confusion and aphasia - his cognitive facilities are severely impaired - it is hard to know what he does understand. Whether he knows our two boys or granddaughter is up in the air.
Life is very hard in many ways, but I know God has a purpose for this and I WILL NOT , only by His grace, give up trusting Him in all things. I really have a soft spot in my heart for anyone who is hurting, and I am thankful to be able to share both my hurt and hope with others in a similar situation. Blessings to all.

Comment by penny on October 29, 2008 at 6:06am

HI, MY NAME IS PENNY AND MY STORY IS FULL OF DRAMATIC AND UNBELIEVEABLE GRIEF. LAST DEC 21 MY 22YR OLD DAUGHTER PERSUADED MY 17YR OLD SON TO HELP HER COMMITT A ROBBERY IN ORDER TO BUY CHRISTMAS GIFTS AND THEY ARE NOW IN PRISON FOR 17YEARS EACH. I THANK GOD THAT THEY DIDN'T HARM THE GENTLEMAN BUT HE WAS A FORMER COUNCILMAN OF THE COUNTY SO IT GUARANTEEDED THEM A STIFF SENTENCE. WELL I NOT ONLY HAVE THE GUILT AND SHAME BUT I AM NOW RAISING MY DAUGHTER'S THREE CHILDREN AGES 4MONTHS,2 AND 6YR OLD. MY HUSBAND AND I ARE STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN AND WE BOTH DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY GOD WOULD ENTRUST 3 MORE LIVES TO DESTROY WE DIDN'T DO A GREAT JOB THE FIRST TIME. I WAS A STAY AT HOME MOM AND HE WORKED TO SUPPORT US SO I COULD BE HOME WITH OUR KIDS AND I WAS SO DEVOTED AND NOW MY HEART IS SO BROKEN I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW THE LORD WILL DELIVER ME FROM THIS. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. GOD BLESS!

Comment by Rose on October 29, 2008 at 3:52am

Hi, I also have lost a son, 23. Its very difficult for me, just one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time.

Comment by Diana Clemente on October 29, 2008 at 3:33am

Blessings to you Joanie. It has been 21 months since my husband died of lung cancer. I have three kids too - 5,8,11. Every day is a struggle at the same time that every day is still a joy. Quite a contradiction. I am lonely too. I'm surrounded by incredible friends but in the end it is not the same. I'm joining this group hoping to share and to learn from those who have walked in my shoes. I too love New Life, they have helped so much. I take my lunch break at 1:00 whenever I can so I can be driving in my car to listen. Joanie what did you do on the second anniversary? Ours is coming up on January 24 and I'm not sure how to handle it with the kids.

Comment by Joanie AZ on October 29, 2008 at 12:38am

Blessings to each of you! I look forward to praying for, sharing with, and learning from each member of this group.October 14th marked the second year since my husband's death. I have 3 teenage children -- and a son-in-law was added September 20th of this year! As busy as our household is with the 2 at home & their friends, the newlyweds dropping by, activities at church & schools, I still am lonely -- when decisions need to be made or on those special days -- there are 366 of them this year!

Havasu -- I have a ramp to my front door, wish you were just across the street to use it! We could have some good chats!

Dawn -- my heart also goes out to you and your precious family as you grieve, yet celebrate the short life of Sophia Olivia. My husband and his first wife lost a baby girl -- their third child -- on the same day she was born -- even after almost 48 years, Hope was still a tender spot in his old cowboy heart! I have a good friend (whom I met through New Life & who should be joining this community soon) whose story has so many connections to yours. I'm sure you two will bond through shared experiences. You are in my prayers. Please know that God's love envelops you each step of this diffficult journey.

Gail, Cheryl, Apprentice, and all those yet to begin sharing their life here -- may we each find the safe place to express the triumphs, doubts, and support that will bring eternal meaning and perspective to this season of grief.

JAZ

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