Drug and Alcohol

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Comment by TIM on November 5, 2008 at 2:25am

HEY AMY,WOW !THREE YEARS SOBER.I'M WORKING ON MY THIRD DAY.I HAVE NEVER BEEN ONE TO TELL PEOPLE MY PROBLEMS OR FEARS,TYPICAL OF A DRUNK,BUT FIND THIS WEBSITE VERY HELPFUL.KEEP TALKING!YOU CAN DROP ME A LINE ANYTIME.I HAVE TO TELL MYSELF EVERYDAY THAT I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT YESTERDAY,I CAN ONLY DEAL WITH TODAY.LIFE IS GOOD!I'LL BE PRAYING FOR YOU.YOUR FRIEND,TIM

Comment by Amy on November 4, 2008 at 9:53pm

Hi all! I have 3 years sober this time around, and I am more sober than I have ever been. I don't smoke anymore (almost 2 years), no drugs or alcohol (3 years) and no boyfriend or husband relationship (6 mos). Boy are things flying up for me. I am so aware of my escape tricks (television on all the time), but when I turn it off I feel like I am going to cry any minute. I am working on stuff from my marriage that had to end (due to our addictions me staying sober and him not) the things I did to those closest to me during my active drug and alcohol abuse. Not being the mom I now know I should have been. Just a little about me. Just needed to get it off my chest.

~Amy

Comment by TIM on November 3, 2008 at 3:15pm

THANK YOU CHRISTIE AND RENEE FOR YOUR KIND WORDS AND ADVICE.I MANAGED TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY,WITH GOD'S HELP.THERE IS A CELEBRATE RECOVERY GROUP IN MY TOWN.I PLAN ON ATTENDING EVERY CHANCE I GET.PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR ME,AND I'LL DO THE SAME FOR YOU.THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS,TIM

Comment by Christie on November 3, 2008 at 11:14am

Shaking, anxiety, this is par for the early sobriety course. Hot, hot baths helped me get to sleep at night. Alittle sleep. Because that will suck as well. AA has a book called "Sober Living"--quick little chapters with lots of handy helps. Call people, too. Call people you meet at meetings. Anyone who seems genuine and friendly that can just give a little encouragement. They don't have to be your spiritual guru. Hang in!

Comment by Renee on November 3, 2008 at 5:16am

Tim,

I too am alcoholic. I've never been to rehab. I almost wish I could go because it seems like it would be easier to quit! I am a functioning alcoholic and havn't hit bottom but hate this life! My husband is also a functioning alcoholic. We have two girls ages 4 and 2. What a life for them! (even though we start drinking just before their bedtime). I've done some research and think I amm going to try to get a prescription for naltrexene, which is supposed to help with the anxiety during the first 12 weeks. I think I would have been able to quit the last time I tried, if I hadn't been so anxious. They say that your brain needs to be rebalanced, hence the anxiety. naltrexene is a medication for seizure patients. The last time I tried to quit I went to AA meetings. They were great.

Tim - many people have pulled themselves up and out of addiction's grips. You need a sponsor, or someone to keep you accountable. Do you have a program called "Celebrate Recovery" near you? I hear that is a great program. I'll be praying for you!

Comment by TIM on November 3, 2008 at 2:51am

HI EVERYBODY,I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS HOPELESS IN MY LIFE.I KNOW GOD HAS LED ME HERE.I AM AN ALCOHOLIC WHO WANTS MORE THAN ANYTHING TO GET AND STAY SOBER.I HAVE BEEN TO REHAB TWICE,SO I KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT MY ADDICTION.AS I SIT HERE ON MY COMPUTER,I CAN HARDLY HIT THE RIGHT KEYS FOR THE TREMBLING IN MY HANDS.I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS LOW BEFORE.I THINK I HAVE HIT BOTTOM.GOD HELP ME!

Comment by Christie on November 1, 2008 at 9:01am

I just would like to say you cannot motivate or fix an addict. Addiction is the primary love relationship until well on the road to recovery. My first month in recovery was detox jitters and crying over the "loss". Honestly, it is a lover in one's life. You have no chance in developing any real relationship with an addict in the beginning throws of his recovery--it will always be about him, him, him. I had to put my marriage on the back burner for a good year. So much to schloge through. And, my estranged, very mentally ill father pushed his way, by default (that is the VA social worker had to manuver it) back into my life and it complicated everything. but that's life on life's terms. The best thing my husband did was support me from a distance. Didn't pressure me to get another job because I had to quit my job (ironically, at a rehab facility), and gave me encouragement to get to meetings and meet with my sponsor.
Our kids were pre and early teens. The family waters were choppy.
But, I digress...the point its...don't even think this guys really has anything for a mature relationship....if he is serious about recovery he is going to go through a heck of an emotional roller coaster ride, very scary and he might have alot of anger as well. Lots. And you can't beat up ghosts...
Well, that's all for now...

Comment by Dana on October 31, 2008 at 4:38pm

Just remember, you cannot "fix" him. He has to take care of himself. Three years is long enough to have figured that out. The longer you are with him, the harder it will be to let go. I am not telling you to let go, only you can decide when that time is. I have been married to my husband for almost 20 years. He is an alcoholic and a drug addict. He is also a great guy. He is not mean or violent, but he is killing himself and causing problems in our life. I believe, with all of my heart, that I am to stay with him, continue to pray for him, and honor our marriage covenant. But, part of that is because although I was a Christian when I married him, I did things my way, not God's. Now God expects me to honor my vows and as long as my husband (a non believer) wants to be married, I am not excused from those vows. My husband went forward and accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior shortly after we were married and he was still attending church. He no longer goes to church, and quite frankly, does not believe he is worthy of Christ's love. Nor is he willing to give up the things of this world. I love him very much and I know that he loves me too. BUT, if I had to do it all over again I would seek God and make sure I was equally yoked to the person I intended to marry.

Comment by Jennifer on October 31, 2008 at 3:26pm

Thanks Dana :) He is no longer in the Marines and has been out for almost 3 years. I know he knows he has a problem, but you are right, it is hard for the 'tough' to be vulnerable. He is a Christian but he is not pursuing God like he needs to...which definitely does not help his emotional/psychological health. Thank you for your prayers...I often need wisdom to determine how much is too much for me. I dont want to stay longer than I am supposed to, nor leave the relationship before I have done what God has for me to do. Hope you are having a great day :)

Comment by Dana on October 31, 2008 at 10:11am

He must be going through a very rough time. Does he acknowledge that he still has problems even though he saw a counselor for a short time? I have great admiration for what he has done for our country, now he needs to figure out a way to help himself. Accepting help is very hard, especially when they have been trained not to be weak. But what he does not and how he handles things now will determine the rest of his future. Vietnam taught us that some survived the trauma and others let it define their entire lives. I can only suggest that you join a support group and encourage him to get help. Is he still in the military, perhaps there is a chaplain he could see? Is he a Christian? You must determine for yourself, how long you will accept his destructive behaviors. God is a powerful healer but we must ask Him for his help. I will pray for you and him.

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