Self Worth and Confidence

Comment

Comment by Fred S. on September 23, 2009 at 8:41am

Very well said

Comment by lisa saunders on September 23, 2009 at 8:38am

My point is that cycle never gets broken, unless we ask God to come into our hearts and help us to heal the wounds that violence which is abuse ...causes in us. The stats, being this great means most of us have be affected by abuse. If not at home then in the workplace, in the schools, in the church anywhere people are..the chances are your life is affected. That is why there are so many here on Newlife, also the cost to get therapy is such that without this site (and I know of no other like it..presently) most people will not receive the help through worldly means. God has called His people to love their neighbors, not to enable the abusers, but to speak for Him through us...to help the broken and hopeless.Let the healing waters flow, in Jesus's name..amen

Comment by Fred S. on September 23, 2009 at 7:00am

Powerful stats, hard to break cycle of violence. Your stats are for violent abuse, boys in particular who were beaten beat their kids [see Steve’s book Hurt People Hurt People]. I only spoke below of sexual abuse of girls, hi % of boys who were molested molest others as older kid or adult. Not true for girls [I don’t consider their frequent inability to be physically intimate w/ husbs to be abuse of their husbs], girls who were molested don’t normally grow up to molest kids. But studies are clear they often do grow up to have severe problems w/ physical intimacy w/ husbs, paradox is that the safer & more caring & loving husb is, more likely formerly molested wife is to say no, shut down, because for 1st time in her life she feels safe to say no, but often gets stuck at no. Intensive painful therapy working through, reliving, healing this prior to marriage is crucial

Comment by lisa saunders on September 23, 2009 at 6:16am

97.8% of all those abused in US turn out to be abusers... violence begets violence..100% -97.8% leaves those not abused and angry and hurting. statistics per criminal justice class I took.

Comment by Fred S. on September 23, 2009 at 5:26am

Yes Jesus is the answer. (Btw I love the wonderful inspirational stuff you write on many discussions). But I think he sends us help in many ways, other people, therapy, meds, programs. I don't believe that prayer alone without therapy, meds, people helping, is enuf. But I didn't understand your #s, 1/3 to 1/2 of women were molested as minors, so if all of them worked in therapy to heal before marrying, that would make a huge difference in 1/3 to 1/2 of all marriages. I didn't understand 97per cent and 3 per cent. Rick warren's wife was a very godly woman, devoted to jesus. But because she had been molested their marriage fell apart, they almost broke up. With years of intensive therapy she was healed. See her book. But I thought your comment generally was great (all of your writings are very inspirational and helpful).

Comment by lisa saunders on September 22, 2009 at 4:27pm

If 97.8 % of abused people had to wait to marry, then less than 3% of population in U.S. would not be married. Thats not the answer....JESUS....is. Amen...

Comment by Fred S. on September 22, 2009 at 12:18pm

we all, men + women, pick dates & spouses for superficial, selfish worldly reasons. Certainly better to identify and admit that to extent it applies, sad to be with someone & then dump [or much worse divorce] them for superficial reasons – should have avoided getting involved in first place, but worse to stay with them if you can’t see them as the love of your life, admit that, move on – they deserve someone who’ll love them the way they are. Sad but we all are drawn by some of these or other superficial things: looks, charm, power, money, prestige, confidence, what job someone has, weight, hair, color of skin. We should be focusing on does person have: a close walk w/ Jesus? Integrity? Kindness? Same views on children? Lust issues? Can they defer gratification, esp waiting till marriage to have sex? Do both share views on 2 careers or not & who is willing to move to support other’s career? Same view on whether 1 should stay home with kids? And women [future moms] in particular, but men also, need to be wary of having kids w/ anyone from middle East, China, Brazil, Africa, Muslim, 3d World countries, former Soviet countries, Latin America, much of Asia, spouse can take kids & you might never see them again, many of those countries do not respect rights of Christian parent from US. Even with no kids spouse might decide to move back to home country. Language & cultural differences can make life difficult. Do you have fun together, do you make each other laugh? We need to pray for God to open our eyes to the really important things like these, not superficial things of the world. But until God changes your heart, DO NOT force yourself to date/marry someone with great faith, kindness & integrity if you’re not attracted to them, God gave us attraction between the sexes, don’t get involved with or marry an unbeliever, someone w/ anger problems, lack of integrity, lust or substance abuse issues, etc. but also don’t get involved with someone unless there is some attraction & sexual chemistry, they deserve someone whose socks are knocked off by them. We get involved sexually and then can’t get out of relationships and we don’t make good choices whether to stay with or marry people when sex is involved. Men: 1/3 [probably more due to not reporting] of girls are sexually abused before reach 18, sex in marriage is very difficult [maybe impossible] if wife had been sexually abused even if you’re most unselfish, kindest husband in world, women need lots of work/therapy to heal from this BEFORE marriage, or the WOMEN will be miserable in the marriage. If you can’t discuss issues like this, were you ever abused/molested, then you’re not ready to marry. Read book by Rick Warren’s wife, their marriage almost destroyed because she had been sexually abused and hadn’t healed.

Comment by Wendy R.Sorrels on September 19, 2009 at 4:48pm

Thanks for your prayers and that is a good question to keep in mind, what is the trigger?

Comment by PJ on September 11, 2009 at 11:48am

Is there something that happened to start this feeling? Sometimes it helps to think if there is a trigger for these negative feelings about ourselves. I will pray for you.

Comment by Wendy R.Sorrels on September 11, 2009 at 7:30am

Don't feel good about myself right now, even though I know God love's me. Tryin' to work on how I see myself, but I am struggling.

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