Sexual Abuse

Add a Comment

Comment by Wendy on November 13, 2008 at 4:28am

Wow. My name is Wendy too. So glad you could join us Wendy. LOL I would say you definently need to be here. So sorry there are such sad people in the world. I guess this group is not ver active, as no one has even replied to your grief and humilty in this situation. I think you are very brave and real for be so honest. First I have experienced many of the same issues as did you. When you are raised to accept this as normal the thing with your brother as un- healthy as it was for you, and most likely him too. It was not a shock to me. after being in groups when people start being real I found out that not only has this type of thing happened to them but also the past abuse seems to ba a cataliyst to get through intimacy with partners. It is sad but true. Abused people must be very careful becauase we seem to become abusers ourselves if not under the loving hand of a Father who teaches us what real love is and understanding of why we have feelings that are not normal. I have not heard any of this stuff mentioned in this group but maybe it is too ugly in a christian based setting. I guess it is a very messy and painful topic. Who wants to admit they have been damaged by the programming of such experience. Oh Well honey hang in there my heart goes out to you. It is time to let go. you need to forgive yourself and your brother. You said he was abused too. So at the time i guess it was a reaction due to alcohol. My advise. Don't drink. LOL

Jesus said he did not come for the healthy but the weak, tired and sick.... If we were perfect we would not have needed Christ......

Comment by Wendy on November 11, 2008 at 5:51am

Hello, I just wanted to see if I could handle this group. I must say I am very reserved as I have not experienced alot of what you all have. I have been abused by uncles and stepfathers but not full sexual intercourse. The last time was when I was sixteen and as an adult it lead me to have an incest experience with my brother as he was a part of the abuse in our family growing up and I was just rejected by a my husband my first and only love. The first person I ever totally trusted..... married at 17 to get away from another possible abuse situation and after my husband left me. I stayed drunk for a long time. one night I was feeling quite worthless and got drunk and took off my clothes and asked my brother what was wrong with me ??? what happened then was horrifying and so distructive.... I never thought he would try to have sex with me but he did and I let him because I felt I was asking for it and now I could not just say no? Oh God knows.... I was in my thirties by then and should have known better. No excuses. I can't even think about it. Right after that he sexually abused my daughter who was 16 and I was so angry I hated him. I felt I could not do anything because he would tell everyone what I did. But I decided I would tell the family anyway. They did not beleive me....... They said she was 16 and was a consenting party..... I was thrown into a world of self hate that was 15 years ago and I can no longer love and trust my brother around any little girl but no one will beleive me if I tell them he could be doing this to others and I could not do anything about it, because I have not proof. But he was abused and everyone of the 6 sisters and brothers were in some way my biological father was a child molester and had sex with my older sister from the time she was nine until she was sixteen. When my mom found out she took her and two of my other sisters and brothers and moved away leaving the rest of us. she left him for the man that abused me when I finally moved back with her. needless to say when you are from a family like this you just don't see it the way others do. You see it as somethiing that just happens and it is sad and you have to try not to let it happen to your kids. But it did....... So I guess when I think about it I need to be here like everyone else. I was never raped just molested and touched by family, neighbors, family friends. Isen't it odd that it is just like you look for those situations because you need to be loved....... WE acutally beleived that was love........ at least 8 out of 10 people have been sexually abused as children. Wow when you look at it like that it almost seems like it should be the norm......... Well thanks for listening. The thing with my brother. That is the hardest thing to deal with as I provoked it and was an adult. God forgave me but the memory I think will haunt me forever.......

Comment by Lisa D. on November 6, 2008 at 8:12pm

Cindy64503, thanks for your encouragement. At this stage in my recovery, now that I finally realize that I've really not been trusting, trusting God to get me through to the end is at the top of my to-do list. Second, is trusting my hubby. It is an astoundingly difficult thing to let go of control which has protected me in the past, and to trust. The process has been a long one. I've been 8 yrs in counseling, working tenaciously at the recovery process especially for the sake of my family. It is so amazing to me how this stuff that happens to us esp. when we are children affects every area of our lives, and the greater the damage and the longer we live it, the longer it takes to exchange the bad stuff for the truth in our daily existence. It changes our thinking in a way that takes quite a bit of effort to unravel. The problem with using Phl 3:13&14, "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus," when referring to the recovery process is that when what is behind us is affecting our present, then it is not really behind us. But if this verse is told to a person in recovery who's trying to find her way, she may not be willingthen because of a misguided obedience to work through her past and, therefore, will miss the very important step of rooting out the affects of that past upon her present. The process of "forgetting what is behind" is a rather strenuos and intentional one. I've been a Christian for 35 years, but in this last eight I've been challenged in ways that I thought I'd already had down pat. I have learned with a confidence that now goes to the core of who I am that God is absolutely trustworthy and does not leave us alone. This has been challenged and tested in my life, and God has been faithful! You are right in surrendering this stuff to the Lord, because we are truly safe there. Shannon, what a gift that you were able to see Jesus there in those terrible moments in your life! Our babies are with Jesus, and He was and is always with us. That thought was a very hard one for me to swallow. How could Jesus be there and not rescue me?!? What I believe God told me was that He knows who He is, and that He knows that He is so great and loving that no matter what evil does to me His love so outweighs that evil that not only does He know that I will be okay -- I will be so much more than that. I will have that sorrow exchanged for joy, the ashes turned to beauty, and will have a deeper insight into Him in a way that eventually I will even be grateful that I walked through that "valley of the shadow of death." His love is so great that He will not take away the will of even the evildoer. Instead he turns it to good for the ones who seek Him. I can't say that I really understand what forgiveness is yet, but I'm sure that it must include this exchange of good for evil. Thanks, ladies, for sharing your hearts. It is an absolutely precious gift!

Comment by Shannon on November 5, 2008 at 10:38am

Hi, my name is Shannon. I was abused by my step father until I was 10 as a result of the abuse I became pregnant and had to have an abortion b/c of my age. I am now 26 yrs old and can finally say I beleive I am able to move on thanks to my new relationship with God and a few good counselors. For me I had to go back and put myself back in the situation and find out where Jesus was when I was being hurt, being able to see him and knowing he was right there with me was a huge part of my healing. And thank you Cindy64503 Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favorite verses.

Comment by Cindy64503 on November 3, 2008 at 7:21pm

Jeremiah 29:11 everyone !!

Comment by Cindy64503 on November 3, 2008 at 7:18pm

Lisa D. I am so sorry that all of those terrible things happened to you. I too have survived multiple accounts of sexual abuse although thank the Lord non were incidences of incest. I have had very little patience with counseling and support groups. It seems talking about these incidences often makes the hurt stay at the surface and reopen old wounds. My healing has come from the Lord by putting my faith and trust in him that he will heal and deliver. My healing has also come by forgiving those who have abused me that is letting go of all the hurt pain and shame they caused me and repeatedly surrendering it to the Lord until its all gone and leaving the pain in his hands and continueing on with my life forgetting as the bible commands those things that are behind us and to go forward in the things of Christ. God wants to heal you and for you to eventually help others heal. I would encourage you to listen to worship music often.

Comment by Bonnie on November 3, 2008 at 5:15am

Hello,

I have been in counseling for a little over 3 years dealing with being sexually molested at age 4 by an uncle and then periodically throughout my youth by cousins and others. I have also experienced date rape on more than one occasion.

While the journey has been extremely difficult when I finally got to a point where I could walk into a support group and share - it was the start of true healing. I resisted joining a group for many months and my counselor just gently encouraged me to find one. He even completed research to find one for me - which told me that it was probably an important step.

The first group I joined was beneficial in the fact that I finally just stepped out of my secretive world. But I knew that God would provide me with a different group as I knew this one was not a good fit for me. I attended for about a year. At the time I was not sure how much it was benefiting me - on reflection I can now see it.

Jenny has wise words when she says to keep trying groups if you are not comfortable. That was my journey.

God has blessed with with a wonderful Celebrate Recovery Group and I'm starting to deal with my hurts, hang ups and habits. I pray that you will experience the same healing from joining a group as I have been blessed with!!

Thanks for listening!

Comment by Lisa D. on November 3, 2008 at 1:04am

Hello. Where does one begin when joining a group that no one should have to be a part of? My story is this: the damge was devastating at best. At 4 or 5 my Grandpa got to me, then many men from my church (and a couple of strangers), a group of boys raped me in the bushes after church one night, my uncle (a pastor) had easy access to me through most of high school, and finally a date rape and a gang rape in college 24 years ago. I know that I must have worn a target that said "easy prey" (maybe it was a spiritual one.) I was easy prey, because predators could see that I was both unprotected and conditioned to silence. The damage is profound, and I've been working tenaciously on this healing process through therapy for years. I know that I've still got a ways to go (probably a couple of years), because the conditioning is so extensive. My kids and my husband need me to keep healing as much or more than I do. But I've got to say that I'm very tired, and even after all these years I still ache so much sometimes that it scares me. I'm also so very frustrated that after 19 years of marriage to a very kind, gentle, and trustworthy man I am still afraid, and cannot seem to trust him or anyone really. I am just realizing that I haven't even really been trusting God. It is so important that I change and trust and release this fear, and I'm honestly working hard at it, but I'm growing discouraged at my inability to change my survival ways (does anyone understand what I mean?) Right now I'm so tired, and battling a sense of defeat. I'm sure that when God provides me that second-wind of strength, I'll be able to share more of what I mean and what I've learned from this healing process. There is so much, and this stuff has such a profound affect on our lives!

Comment by Lizzie Taylor on October 31, 2008 at 6:02pm

Dorothy- welcom and thank you for sharing. Isn't God good? I am glad and happy for your success. I was sexuelly abusedand raped numerous time growing up, and now one to learn how to trust God again. I have a long posting towards the begining of this page. Blessing

Comment by Sadiemom on October 31, 2008 at 4:14pm

Hi! I just what to say hi. I was sexual abuse as a child as well. But, through the grace of God and lots of prayers and help. I can say that I'm not viticm but I have come out on the other side successful.

• First
• Previous
• Next
• Last