Sexual Abuse

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Comment by judi on September 11, 2009 at 10:02pm

re comment 232 to God's Child

Correction: Last paragraph....last sentence

I meant to say........ Hopefully, my story.....and the stories of others..........

Comment by judi on September 11, 2009 at 9:57pm

Dear God's Child,

I have not been active for quite awhile, but I would like to welcome you to this site.

Re: a male or female counselor ~ You need to call New Life back and discuss it with them. My feeling is, if you are questioning it you probably need a female counselor.

I want to congratulate you on having the courage to join this group and pursue getting counseling. It takes real courage!

I believe that, because of my abuse, the Holy Spirit has been leading me, for years, towards helping other women. There are six points I wish I could share with every woman that has ever been or is presently being abused. Any kind of abuse, not just sexual. Those points are: ~ It's not your fault ~ telsum1 ~ It's never 2 late 2 tel ~ It's ok to say NO ~ Join a Christian Recovery Group ~ Get a Christian Counselor...if needed ~

A Recovery Group will give you a chance to sit and share with other women in your shoes. They really understand. I think it is important that the Group is Christian and the material is Christ Centered. The group I belonged to went through The Twelve Steps for Christians. Based on Biblical Teachings. The workbook is titled The Twelve Steps ~ A Spiritual Journey. There were six of us. Seems like a small group setting for this study would be most beneficial. A small group, as a whole, tends to become more personal...and you don't have to be so strict with the *rules*.

I don't know if you have heard of Celebrate Recovery. CR uses a 12 Step Program too. It is typically a large group meeting, breaking down into small groups to do the 12 Steps. CR is incredible! I can safely say that Steve Arterburn and his staff would give it *5 Stars*.

If you get into a 12 Step Program there is a Bible that would be priceless for you to have. It is called the Life Recovery Bible.

Both CR and The Twelve Steps for Christians are based on the 12 Steps AA uses. The big difference is CR and 12 Steps are Christ Centered and we can give credit to God, not just some vague higher power. I am not critizing AA. They have their policies for a reason, and I know they have saved a lot of people! They are a great organization!

I am sure you will hear, over and over, that Healing is a Life Long Process. We are never through healing.

There is one more thing that I would like to share with you. I read somewhere, "if you really want to heal....expect to go through hell." Please don't let this scare you, but it is true. In our healing process we most likely will go through hell in some stage or another.

I want to congratulate you, again, for your courage to get help. You are on your way to Recovery! Even if our healing is a life long process, it is incredible what a difference it can make for us and our families.

I will be praying for you, God's Child, as I am positive others on this site will too.

Your Sister in Christ..........judi

The leaders in CR and the 12 Steps for Christians will be able to tell you if you need counseling in addition to the group. I am NOT saying don't get counseling. It appears that God has been leading you there and I encourage you to go through with it.

I am 67 years old and I was 64 when I joined the Recovery Group at my church. It was in my second year, in the group, that we did the 12 Steps. That's why I say it is never 2 late 2 tel.

I just reread your 1st two posts. I understand how it is hard for you to shrare in front of others. It is best if we share, but it is not necessary. My guess is that if you seriously pray for God to show you a group to join, do it. If it is God's will you will, I suspect sooner than later, feel comfortable in sharing.

Again, I appluad your getting help. My past abuse affected my intamacy with my husband for years. I, too, had anger issues. I wish I had gotten help sooner, but I didn't. Hopefully my story will help someone else to do something positive and start the healing process!

Comment by Dayle on September 11, 2009 at 9:49pm

Hello God's child...
I agree with cece... From my own experience, a woman counselor is preferable. I think that we progress better when we don't hold back due to discomfort of any kind. Trust is key. There are excellent male counselors but for healing of sexual abuse, women naturally nurture and understand in ways that men cannot. When I refer women for counseling, I think it is particularly important for the counselor to have personal experience with issues of sexual abuse, or have knowledge gained through working with women over an extended period of time who have been abused. When I counsel abused women they tend to relax and share their pain with ease because they sense that I know of their pain on a personal level. We all need to know that someone "gets it." In our pain, we feel so alone at times. I remember feeling that no one could ever understand my suffering.

After many years of healing, I chose a male counselor primarily because I did need to learn to relate to men. It was good to have a male perspective and to develop a trusting relationship with a safe person. Because I had been abused through much of my life, this was an important step because I was so fearful and didn't think I could ever trust a man. I was blessed to have wonderful, kind, gentle counselors to help me recover all the fractured little pieces of my life and become whole and healthy. All praise goes to Jesus who completed my restoration! For anyone who doubts that even Jesus can heal their wounds, I am here to say that He can do anything! All things truly are possible with God who loves us unconditionally!

In one of your posts, you write that you left a group because you did not feel that your situation was as severe as some others... Please remember that abuse is abuse....pain is pain...you are worthy of help. The beauty of pressing forward and overcoming is that God will use all your hurt and pain for good...beauty for ashes! Helping others makes the bad memories fade away into the past where they belong. Life is sweet and God has a great plan for you! He promises...He is faithful...

I pray that God will lead you to the right person, and that your healing will be complete in Him. I have learned that the only thing that truly heals is love. And forgiveness is what sets us free. Allow Jesus to love you and hold you through the process. Embrace the blessings...
love, dayle

Comment by kathy on September 11, 2009 at 8:37pm

sorry my nickname is cece and my name is kathy i find i get mixed up when i sign, i usually try to remember cece but i usually forget!!

Comment by kathy on September 11, 2009 at 8:35pm

Gods child,

Absolutely, for me it makes a difference. I find I can not talk about certain things and do not feel like i can let my defenses down with a man...not as I can with a woman counselor. Usually women counselors are supportive of women and women's needs and that is a plus. I think they have more of a comprehension around what we as women feel and go through. With my background I would not wish to counsel with a man. I have done that but it seems the benefits have been greater for me in my feelings of safety and ability to relax and say what i need to say is quite different with a woman. Its up to you, but i cant help think that your gut instinct is telling you here, leading you here since you are asking this question...you have a valid concern. Stick up for urself always and dont let other well intention people make your decisions for you. In other words dont get your self pushed into something u are not comfortable. There are plenty of people, excellent people who are sensitive to these issue. New Life Ministries in my opinion has a good handle on how to refer people to get help, but we have
to do the foot work, remember. I wish you the best and am pleased and proud that you just went right ahead to get services that will benefit you and your loved ones.
God is with us 24/7
He is always there for us!
Hope what I say helps u,
kathy

Comment by God's child on September 11, 2009 at 7:17pm

I spoke to someone from New Life this morning and was given a referral for a counselor near me. I've already left a message for him. My question to all of you is: do you think it makes a difference if the counselor is the opposite sex? I'm not sure if I would have more progress with a female. Just curious. Thank you.
God's blessings to you,
God's child

Comment by kathy on September 8, 2009 at 11:03am

Rachel Joy, I have been to the domestic violence and sexual assault group
after a marriage that went south. I am like you I do not talk much about my
own experience but felt I gained by listening to others...that feeling of not
being alone...and seeing that others have experienced worse things...giving
me a feeling of thankful that it was not worse for me. I have done some therapy with my SA but mostly its geared at the symptoms and dealing with the
feelings I go through and treating the depression and anxiety I have had.
Not certain if this helps but just to share my experience.

It does seem you have a full plate what with working and school and
church...doing therapy can be a great help from my experience and
sometimes its can set off a lot of feelings surrounding the event
that could interfere with your regular schedule...thats something
to consider while you are in school too? or you might want
to replace therapy with church for a time if you are having
personal problems...we can pray and study on our own...
and just for a time....or take the counseling slow ....
be sure to talk to your counselor about it right away
if you choose this path at this time...
Thoughts to consider.
God bless,
Kathy

Comment by God's child on September 8, 2009 at 7:40am

Thank you cece, for your words of kindness. Last night was a rough night, emotionally. I told my husband about seeing a therapist and I feel much better because he is supportive. He's not a Christian but I know someday, he will be. :)

Rachel Joy, I'm glad your friend is alright, despite the interest in this man. Will keep her in my prayers. I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in regarding your interest in attending a support group. I attended one at church a couple of years ago and it was good, just not for me. I am not comfortable speaking in front of groups and therefore did not share anything, which I think is the point of going? It was good to hear other people's experiences and how they were dealing with them. I would try it, it was usually just one hour, so it shouldn't interfere too much with your schedule. Good luck.

Blessings,
God's child :)

Comment by Rachel Joy on September 7, 2009 at 11:45pm

Thank you so much, Cece and everyone else who prayed for my friend (mentioned in an earlier post)! Thankfully, my friend survived the event of flying to see this guy she is interested in...unfortunately, she is still interested in him, and he is not a Christian. :( I think he will probably keep leading her away from Jesus. Please just pray that she comes back to him and wants to put Him first above all others! THANK YOU!

On another note, I am thinking about joining a SA support group in my area. Has anyone else here done this? If so, and if you feel like sharing, what has been your experience? I am trying to discern if this is the right time in my life to do this. I am also trying to juggle school and church and work. I dont want to overwhelm my schedule, but it would be nice to meet in person with other people who understand.

Comment by kathy on September 7, 2009 at 6:03pm

To Whom:

I received an email from New Life that stated Christine Silva had let a comment
in this group. I do not see her posting. Did anyone else get this message?
Kathy

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