My Declaration of Independence

Last week I received my 90 day coin at Celebrate Recovery, and boy did I work for it! Earlier in the week I had a meltdown of sorts, and struggled once again with wanting to no longer live. But just now, thinking about that time, I realize that my actions were so different than 90 days ago. This time, I immediately connected with my accountability partners and my sponsor. Then I called a counselor, who was able to help me. My struggle was shorter, and I didn’t carry the weight that God was angry with me. Maybe I am finally realizing that He really does want the best for me.
God is becoming so real to me during this time-- a living, loving presence instead of a distant figure to be afraid of. Seeing all of this change in my life, I thought I would try my hand at writing my own declaration of independence. It does seem fitting, given that tomorrow is the fourth of July.

Today I stand before You, Lord
With all my heart exposed.
I’m finding that this road I walk
Is sometimes harder than I supposed.
At times my sorrow is so great
It overwhelms my will to live;
I’m learning as I seek Your face
That new life is what You give.

Today I grieve for what I’ve lost
And will never have again, yet
I rejoice in the new freedom
I’ve found--forgiveness of my sin.
Each day, God, You give me new strength,
Teaching me more about Your grace.
Once I lived in fear of You, but
Now I long to see Your face.

Today I look forward with expectation
To see the re-making of me.
Each day brings it’s own set of struggles, but
I have hope to be ultimately free.
New confidence to face each day
With freedom from my fear--
Knowing that my faintest call
Will bring Your loving presence near.